05 November 2011

Airplane Haikus 10/14/11

Streams below, written
In a curvy, flowing script -
Heaven's point of view.
(Nashville-Chicago)


The Court held UH-OH
Screaming, kicking, grabbing hell -
"Lap child" redefined.
(Chicago-Buffalo)

31 March 2011

This Just In: Local Woman Confesses, "I am Santa Claus"

Earlier today, Kristin Mary Johnson admitted to fans worldwide that she is, in fact, the legendary Santa Claus. With the help of a fake beard and aging red suit, she has spent centuries bringing joy to little boys and girls across the globe, but today, she says, she is finished.

"It's just not as much fun anymore. All the kids want are birth certificates, and I'm simply not allowed to produce those," she said, citing the trend of paranoia circulating among American children in particular.

Kids, it seems, have been expressing a growing fear that if they seek the presidency one day in the future, they will be harassed endlessly by the Tea Party, whether they were born in Tennessee, Wyoming, Connecticut, or Hawaii.

Johnson hopes that her replacement will be able to make some progress with the contemptible little monsters and their parents. However, she isn't holding her breath.

"They've just gone completely blind to all common sense. Glenn Beck pulls out his chalk, their eyes glaze over, and they start to drool like Pavlov's dog. I just don't understand it. I really thought people were smarter than that. I pray to Allah that someday soon, we can get over our egos and remember how to live in peace with each other."

05 February 2011

Night Terrors

Sometimes people say things
that are only true awake,
never true asleep.

05 January 2011

New Year's Haikus

Ambitions abound,
Excuses, rationales, too.
Will it ever change?


Freezing, thunderstorms,
Pendulum swinging wildly.
Heinous climate "lies."


My resolution:
BE heterosexual?
Nope, still doesn't work.